My heart sunk today.

Today I had my routine 20 week ultrasound (a week early) to check all the anatomy of my babe and make sure everything was on track as far as growth. Austin is working up north so as sad as I was that he had to miss it, i was also so excited to see his tiny body squirming around.
She started by showing me his face, and sure enough everything was there. Perfect little face. He was positioned so his spine was up and curled in a little ball, one leg tucked under his bum and one foot clear up by his elbow. One hand on his face (just like last time) and one arm tucked by his belly.
She showed me his heart, measured his heartbeat at 152 bpm which is perfect. Then she said, "I really am trying to get him to roll over so I can get a better picture of his heart. He's in a position that I can't really see the arteries and that's something we need to check." So she has me rolling from side to side and can't get a clear picture. She then shows me all his stats, he's measuring 2 days bigger than the predicted date, he's in the 53% of head size and weight which is perfect and everything looks great..."but he does have a little calcium deposit in his heart."

It took a minute to sink it. I was trying to be really brave. She continued to say that it should just dissolve on its own, and where his heart is so tiny (about the size of your pinky fingernail) it's hard to see the arteries and so for that reason alone I'd like to do another scan in 4 weeks to check that and we'll also track the size of the deposit. Ok. So I ask if this is common? She says she sees it about once a week. So....not too common but not unheard of. She says I shouldn't worry about it, we'll monitor it and it should just dissolve. I ask what happens if it doesn't dissolve? She said they don't know because they haven't had a baby be born with it yet. Phew. So that made me feel better.

She then tells me Dr. Lunt will be calling me tonight or tomorrow to follow up on the ultrasound. I feel ok then she says, "or would talking to him now help you feel better?" Before I can answer I'm in a full blown crying fit. Like it all just sunk in a one moment that there is something abnormal in my baby's heart. His tiny, tiny heart. And although she's telling me it's nothing to worry about... I can't help but worry.

Dr Lunt came in and explained again that the growth is not uncommon and it is nothing to worry about. I felt ok when I left but I called Austin as soon as I got out the door and lost it all over again. Still as I'm typing this, I am crying. I feel reassured that this is not going to be any harm to our babe, but it's just the thought that there could possibly be anything wrong is absolutely terrifying.

I am a mom, and I feel it now. There is nothing I wouldn't do for the well being of this unborn child. I love him.

So for the next 4 weeks, I'll be praying...and probably worrying.

[my sweet boy snuggled in a little ball]

[one straightened leg and a foot]

[profile of his cute face! You can see his hand by his face]

[heart beat. the most beautiful sound <3]

Dads.

Happy Father's day! A day late...

I'm sure it's no surprise when I say my dad is truly the best dad in the whole world. I hear a lot of people say the same thing about their own dad, and I love it. It makes me believe that every family member plays the perfect role in each family, making it fit together like a puzzle. Dad's are the care-takers, the security and the head-of-the-household. My dad is this, plus a million other things.

My dad's name is Chuck Amador

On the outside he's big and strong, healthy as a horse and such a handsome man.

But there's so much more to my dad than what's on the surface.

Within minutes of meeting my dad, you'll see what's on the inside. He's genuine. He's loving. He's emotional. He has a heart the size of Texas and would drop anything and run for the people he loves, no question.

To say my dad LOVES hunting is a complete understatement. He was born to hunt, camp and be outdoors. It's a staple in his life and something he can always turn to when he needs to clear his head or find himself again. I'm so grateful for this. Some of my very favorite memories are being out in the middle of nowhere with my family, really connecting without any electronics or distractions. There really is nothing like it. I love hunting with my dad and he loves hunting with me. You think a kid gets excited on Christmas morning?? Try being next to my dad after you've shot your first deer! He is out of his mind excited and overwhelmed and it's the most amazing sight you've ever seen to see a full grown man jump around, hootin and hollerin! 

My dad loves his kids. He's sacrificed so much for us over the years. He's loved us in times when he could've/should've given up on us.

My dad is the #1 Grandpa in the world! Watching my dad with this grand babies is a complete heart melt. He doesn't take a single second for granted and soaks in all the chaos and happiness that comes with being a Grandpa. He never passes up a chance to play dog pile, hunting or watch movies. I can't wait for my son to know his Grampy and learn all the things I've got to learn from him growing up. I can't wait for them to hunt, wrestle, play sports, snuggle and have Grandpa weekends.

One thing I completely admire about my dad is his example of good karma. What goes around comes around and he is always doing good for other people.

I know I've mentioned before that I am the 'mom of the family'. I mother everyone including my dad. I've always been protective of him (as if he needs protecting lol). When I was little, my time with my dad was MY TIME. He said that if he had a girlfriend or friends over during 'our weekends' that I would tell them that they needed to leave...at age 3-4. I've also mothered my dad in times when he needed it emotionally, and I'm so grateful that I can be that person for him.

My dad isn't afraid to show his emotions. I respect that. 

I've always know I've had a really great relationship with my dad. To this day, though, it still amazes me how our relationship continues to grow and become deeper. 

I love my dad. He's such a special and important person in my life. I honestly don't know where our family would be without him.

And luckily for me, I found a man who shares so many of the same qualities my dad has. Actually, I've never seen my dad love and accept anyone the way he has Austin. 

Austin is going to the best daddy. He has more patients and selfless love to give than anyone I know. My nieces and nephews flock to Austin and smother him every chance they get. As much as I'd like to pretend that our son will be a complete mama's boy, in my heart I know that is not likely. I know this little boy will idolize his daddy and want to be with him every second he can, and I can't blame him....so do I! I'm grateful every single day to have Austin as my love. He has been so great and taken care of me during this pregnancy, and already shows so much love for this babe by talking to him and kissing my belly all the time. He's the sweetest man. 

We spent Father's day driving up Kolob Canyon and hung out at the reservoir. It was so beautiful and it was so nice to be out of this house, in nature, just to two of us and the baby and Zep. We came home, ate ribs for din and relaxed. It was a great day.

I love you Austin, and our son is so lucky to have you as his daddy. I can't wait to watch you love and teach him. I already admire the relationship you two have <3

And last but not least, Austin wouldn't be half the man he is without the influence of his dad, Rick. He's been a perfect example of what a dad should be, and I admire that. 

I love all the dad's in my life! 

Happy Father's day too all.