Dating life for us Love Birds

The bliss and the ugly...

Because... I would be LYING if I said from that moment I realized we had this great connection, to the point we are now has been smooth and wonderful and all this happy mushy gushy stuff. Yes, I am going to include the not so pretty and not so happy times that we've been through..that is what has truly made us, US. BUT I will also include all the blissful times too :)

As I mentioned before, I was really super hesitant to even start "talking" to Aust...for a few reasons. (I am going to be brutally honest in this post. There are things I will post that I am glad are in the past. Judge me if you must) 

Reasons being:

A) I was pretty involved in a long distance relationship again that had been off & on since age 15.

B) And by pretty involved I mean I had put in for a transfer at Costco so I could move and be closer to this person.

C) I was unsure of where Austin stood in his relationship.

D) That relationship ^ was with someone I had known for a long time.

E) Austin and my brother are great friends... This has ups and downs I'll elaborate on later.

F) My divorce had only been final for about 8 months and I had this gut feeling if I gave it a shot with Austin it would turn into a serious relationship...I wasn't sure at that time if I was ready for that.

So, I forgot to mention...That breakfast "date" we had was also with our good friend Danielle...and he made me pick him up. Isn't that his job?! Well, I didn't care because this was just 3 friends having breakfast, right?? After breakfast I dropped Austin off at his house and we immediately started texting, just small talk...all day long. At the time he was working in Green River doing construction so during that week he could only text me on his lunch break and after he got off work. Much to my surprise that Friday night he asked me to "hang out"...because officially asking a girl on a date these days is soooooo uncool haha. We went to Tepanyaki, then to the drive-in. I can't even tell you what movie played because we spent the whole time silly flirting and talking. It was like Jr High all over again...I was soo nervous and he didn't even hold my hand! Aust went back to Green River that week and I kept finding myself thinking about him and wanting to talk to him every chance I could. SHIT. This was not supposed to be happening. I was having real feelings for this guy who I have known for years, might be off and on with his relationship, and I was trying to move out of this state. (PS looking back it's so clear to me how things happen the exact way that they should, because prior to this I was unconsciously making every excuse not to move). 

I started to shut off from Austin. I honestly tried to just push all my feelings aside and go with what I thought was "right". I knew if I acted on my feelings it would create a lot of drama in my life. 

One night while 'avoiding' Austin I found myself texting him all night again and he had asked me to meet him by his cabin the next day and we would look for deer. (romantic right?! lol) I said OK. The next morning I told Chance where I was going and he's like..."You do know that's like a 2 hour drive right?" Ummm...no! And at this point Austin had no service and wouldn't all day, so I couldn't make up some dumb excuse of why I wasn't going to come because he would've sat there at the waiting spot probably until he was so mad he wouldn't ever speak to me again. So I went.

On this little adventure I remember just blurting out, "I don't know if it's a good idea for us to hang out anymore". He asks why. I start ranting on about how I don't want to deal with the drama from my friends and I know his ex still has feelings for him and it's just so complicated and I'm supposed to be moving and....so on and so on. I'm pretty sure at this point he thought I was the craziest person but just laughs and says, "Tori, we're just hanging out. Who cares if there's drama." (This is one quality I absolutely love about Austin. He lives from his heart. He is so true to himself...and helps me to be when I'm acting like a crazy)

From this day on we were pretty inseparable, although to everyone but my family I tried to keep this a secret. This sounds so horrible. And it was. I was living in a world of anxiety and hated it. One day sometime in October, we were saying our goodnights...and BAM! Austin drops the "L" word on me...though A TEXT!!! I still tease him for this. I wanted to say it back (in person) because that's truly how I was feeling, but with everything else going on in life I knew it wasn't the right time. It wasn't until early November that I officially broke off my long distance relationship. At that exact moment I told myself I was 100% committed to Austin and was ready to move forward with our relationship... I was finally able to tell him how much I was in LOVE with him too :) All of our friends were beginning to hear that we were 'together' and it really did cause a lot of drama. I felt like...there's no way I'm not going to be with Austin just because he dated someone I knew before me...my feelings are real people, I couldn't deny them. I was willing to let go of anyone who wouldn't support my happiness. And yes, there were definitely those awkward moments because we have such a tight knit group of friends, but we didn't care. The saying "you find out who your friends are" rang so true.

I wanted us to be this 'perfect couple' (if there ever was such a thing). At the time we were so comfortable, I felt like we were so connected and knew everything about each other. Now looking back, yes we were definitely connected but still growing as a couple. I was so insecure...about everything in my life. I ALWAYS thought Austin was talking to other girls, or lying or hiding something. It was like I was digging to prove myself right. (this is part of the stuff  I said you may or may not judge me for). I would make a big deal out of everything and it caused a lot of fights between us. And one time... he had left his facebook page open at my house and I looked. WHY would I look? Did I mention I was really super insecure??  I saw something I totally didn't want to see. I blew up. I thought "Ok I just changed my whole life plan for this guy and he's like 10 steps in the other direction". I freaked out and our relationship was OVER! For a day. After I calmed down, I had to be real with myself .. I just ended my other relationship like a month ago and I'm acting like he's the bad guy here. How could I even expect him to be all in like I was ready to be when I was the one being so unfair for those first few months?? We talked...and kissed and made up.

This is when we started gaining trust in each other, in my opinion. I knew I had to let go of everything in the past and so did he. And we did. From that day forward we found respect for each other and our relationship. It was huge. We were on cloud nine and spent every waking second possible together. 

Austin unofficially lived at my dad's with me. Little by little his things started finding their new home in my closet and dresser lol. Chance and Laura were also living at my dad's at the time and we were all best friends. We did everything together. The best times we ever had were right there at my dad's house, us 4, laughing it up. I was completely HAPPY  with every aspect of life for the first time in a long long time. The 4 of us thought it was about time to grow up and get our own place. 

We moved to Lehi in March 2011 to the most perfect house for us. We were so excited to have our own place that Laura and I moved everything we could lift and fit in our cars while the boys worked and they got the last few loads. That night we had nothing set up so we all slept on the family room floor :) Makes me smile looking back!

I'll stop here because the next part of our relationship is going to take a lot of explaining on my part. And I'll try my very best to be completely honest!

I PROMISE  not every post will be this long after I get our relationship story out of the way!

*While writing this I am realizing... I'm adding another reason for "blogging". I think one day our kids can look back at this and get our full story and appreciate that relationships take work and if you're true to yourself and each other you will find true love and happiness :)