From Bliss to Craziness to Bliss...Again

me, crazy?? Oh yes...

At this point in our relationship, we were completely content. While living in the Lehi house we had kind of fallen into this 'married life' routine. Work, dinner, gym, sleep. Not to say this was a bad routine or caused any sort of problems, because quite honestly I love spending time doing absolutely anything or nothing at all with Austin.
Remember how I mentioned I was a little insecure in the last post? Ya, well I was. With everything. Looking back it seems like starting during my first marriage and the next 2+ years, I had lost myself...my true self. 
Sometime around May/June of 2011 I started questioning everything in my life...why you ask? Well, I loved (subconsciously) to make everything as complicated as it could be, and having this stable relationship with Aust was making me unstable. Confused yet?   I had all these what-if about that off and on ex I mentioned... was it really the best choice for me to not move? That ex...I'll call D. Before Austin and I had started dating, D and I had decided to give it one last real shot. I decided I would move to Las Vegas and transfer at Costco. I moved a bunch of my stuff to his house being hopeful it would all work out. And it didn't. After I broke up with D, I never got my stuff back. I didn't want to bother with it...until we moved to Lehi and we decided we needed a lot of that house stuff that I had moved. So I contacted D to get it back. This is what triggered my what-ifs. If I had known what getting my stuff back was going to do to mine and Austins relationship, I would have kissed it all goodbye and bought brand new. This is where this girl really gets crazy...
One night while I was out with my friends I had a total break down. I told them how I was so confused and how I felt like I had no closure with D and what if I wasn't ready to be done...and so forth. I realized at this point I needed to talk to Austin about it and figure out what I needed to do. He was so sweet to me.. I don't know why. He was ready to stick by my side and help me figure out what was best for me and for us. I felt like the craziest person. I would just cry all day long. And this is so unlike me... I have always known exactly what I want and have always had this confidence about my life. 
To sum it all up... I ended up moving back to my dad's and felt like I HAD to give it another shot with D or I would never know what could've been and never ever ever get over him. wrong. I honestly HATE this chapter in my life. I was so unsure of who I was and that caused complete heart ache for Austin, D and myself. Austin was still living with Chance and Laura in Lehi. I felt like Chance had totally taken his "side"...stupid right? It seriously hurts my heart to think back to this time. Austin was so sad and so confused. If I were him I would've shut him out of my life and never spoke to him again for the hurt it caused. But he didn't. Every time I talked to Aust, he would tell me he knew I would come back and he would try to be patient for that day. In my heart I felt like this was true, but I thought I had to KNOW it wouldn't work with D for me to move on. 
I had gone camping with D one weekend in September. I woke up one day and had a total change of heart. It hit me like a ton of bricks... Being with D was really NOT for me. I couldn't wait to drive home to have time to think, alone. I started sobbing when I got in my car and the second I got service I text Austin this..."Do you miss me?" A: "Tori that's a dumb question. You know I do." (Austin says when he got that text from me he just knew in his heart we were going to work out).
Soon after this I decided I needed some counseling. The lady I went to was awesome. She helped me see things about my life in such a different light. Things I already knew, but could see from a different angle and it truly changed my life. This is when I started finding ME again. With her help, I was ready to let go and move on from D for good. It felt like a thousand pounds was lifted from me the exact day I decided I was done. 
Thankfully, Austin didn't hate my guts after all I'd put him through and we gave it another shot. Since then our relationship has honestly been so much deeper.
Fast forward a few months...July 2012. Austin's dad has been involved in a golf course development in Apple Valley (near St. George), so we decided to move down here and have loved it! The development was supposed to start back in March...still hasn't...and we're totally OK with it. If it does, great. If not, great. This is exactly where we are supposed to be right now. It's the first time we've lived just us 2 and it's been so amazing for our relationship. 
On September 25 we got engaged :) I swear, I could not be any happier. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us. I love this man with all my heart and soul. 

Thank you babe for believing is us when I didn't, we wouldn't be where we are today if you had given up. I love you sugs!!